Remembering

I wrote this a few months back, but didn't feel it appropriate to post it until now.

As I was posting about Madi's second birthday I couldn't help but think back to one year and ten months ago when this very same sweet little girl was life flighted to Boise in critical condition. They didn't even know if she would make the ride there. I was in the helicopter. I remember the fear that had a hold of me something fierce. I remember the cold, still, dark night as we flew over cities and the Pilot tried to make small talk to keep me from losing it. I remember how I could "hear" her crying even though it was impossible with the noise. I remember wishing that I could hold her close, or even hold her at all. Everything happened so quickly, yet not quick enough. I remember running along side her incubator as she was rushed into the hospital, talking to her and telling her everything was going to be all right, through my own uncertain tears. I remember listening to the doctor as he showed me the xrays telling me I had to make a choice and make a choice now and wishing with every fiber of my being that Isaac was there with me. I remember when they sedated her and how lifeless she looked lying on the crisp white sheets. I remember them putting a very large needle into her side to drain the fluid from her lungs, and the surprised look on the doctor's face upon discovering what she had. I remember looking out the window of the room and seeing my parents faces looking in as they waited patiently outside. I remember numbly agreeing to eat something for the first time in 12 hours, but refusing to sleep. I remember the next two weeks sleeping in the same room as my sweet daughter, hoping and praying and praying and praying that she would make it through this. I remember the battery of blood draws, feeding tubes, xrays, ultrasounds, sedatives...that she endured. I remember her crying and wishing I could hold her, but being unable to. I remember Gabi coming to visit and running down the hall into my arms and hugging me. I remember Gabi kissing Madi saying, "It's okay Madi, it's okay." I remember the devastation when her chest tube was accidentally pulled out, and the relief following because it had been plugged. I remember how Madi looked at me, smiling, telling me with her sweet expression that it would all be okay. I remember not allowing anyone to take pictures of her with all of her tubes and lines running off of her because I didn't want to remember any of that. I remember Isaac telling me that we needed to have faith. I remember Isaac there every step of the way.
Last summer as we were driving to Utah for a family reunion and we heard a helicopter overhead. We realized it was a life-flight helicopter headed towards primary children's and also realized it was exactly one year from the day Madi had been life flighted. We had an unplanned moment of silence as we both reflected on past events and how far we had all come in the last year. Whenever we hear a helicopter we say a silent prayer for those who may be experiencing a traumatic or life threatening experience like we once did.
Feeling especially grateful that Madi is still with us. We couldn't imagine life without any of our girls.

 



 Madi 1 1/2 weeks after coming home from the hospital (almost 3mo.)

 

For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, this is the story.

School

In our town this past summer they have been busy building a new elementary school. They are almost done, even though school started today, enough of it is done that they are able to hold classes. I have been telling Gabi every time that we drive by, pointing to the school, that it is going to be her school. She has been super excited about it.
We decided not to have Gabi start preschool this year. It's very different here than where I grew up. Preschool costs $, as in a tuition, unless your child qualifies for help (they deem them behind). We didn't even get her screened because we knew we weren't going to do the preschool thing. Well, that is, until Gabi started to stutter. It has been a fairly recent thing, in the last month, but it hasn't gotten any better. She is very aware that she stutters, and often gets very frustrated.
I spoke with a friend of mine from church, who also happens to be a teacher, and she recommended that I bring her in to see the speech therapist to determine what we should do. Yesterday was the pre-screening for the elementary, so I brought her in then. Unfortunately we had just missed the speech therapist, but the girls had a blast exploring the new school. The school is very nice inside and out, and I think we all got a little bit more excited about the prospect of school for our oldest child.
We went again today, and we were able to not only meet the speech therapist, but she took some time to observe Gabi. She recognized that she does stutter, but did say that it wasn't in excess. She stutters at the beginning of sentences, but is able to get out the rest of what she is trying to say stutter-free. Her main concern was that she would get so frustrated with herself and sometimes just stop talking rather than stutter.
Since developmentally Gabi is actually doing really well, she didn't recommend her doing preschool this year. We do need to watch her stuttering, although the she was pretty confident that she would grow out of it.
*Proud mom moment* I have never really put much thought into where Gabi was developmentally, just feeling pretty confident she was keeping up with kids her age, until today. Not only does she know all of her letters and sounds, she is starting to sound out words and is able to identify sounds in words. She know her colors, shapes, and her princesses- along with many other things (her latest facts she loves to share involve dinosaurs- thank you Dinosaur Train!) :) The speech therapist said that most of the kids who are in preschool don't even know their letters or sounds, she would probably be pretty bored. It was nice to hear that, because we really wrestled with the decision of what to do about preschool, not wanting her to get left behind.
So, overall, we are glad that Gabi's speech impediment is not as bad as we originally thought, and we are super glad that we didn't send her to preschool. (Not that it isn't a good program, but she just doesn't need it, and I think I would miss her too much :) )
PS In case you didn't know, the most debilitating thing you can do when a person, especially a child, has a speech impediment is to laugh at them. It's not funny to them, it's frustrating. Please don't laugh. Thanks! :)

Crush

Today, as I was walking Gabi into primary a cute little boy in her Sunbeam class came running up to her saying, "Gabi! Gabi! Gabi!" When he got closer to her he asked, "Can I have a hug?!" Her face was priceless- slightly bewildered, mildly amused, and mostly just curious. So the little kiddo gave her a big 'ol hug, and a huge smooch on her cheek! I had to laugh out loud, I don't know who was more surprised, me or Gabi! He then proceeded to beg her to sit by him. There wasn't a seat next to him available, so she sat by one of her other friends, a sweet little girl. While they were on their way to class I came by to take Gabi to the bathroom, when I took her back to class that same cute little boy was begging her to sit by him exclaiming, "Gabi Gabi Gabi!!!! Come sit by meeeeee!"

So cute! A little boy has a crush on Gabi. Gabi is such a sweet little girl, very accepting and kind to everyone. It was kind of funny to see this little boy so excited to see her. Should I be worried about this? She's only three!