All things shall work together for your good

I just woke up from my little "night-shift," which I fell asleep on. :) While Isaac was getting his lunch ready for work and Gabi ready for bed, I went and laid down next to Madi. Well, Madi was in a bassinet right next to our bed. We have to keep a close eye on her, so if she falls asleep before we are ready for bed, I prefer that one of us is in there with her. The problem with what we are dealing with, with Chylothorax is that there are really only two ways for us to know if her lungs start filling up again, 1) having an x-ray taken, and 2) a decrease capability of breathing. Since we are trying to limit the amount of x-rays that she has due to radiation exposure, the next best thing is to monitor her. She was a little more fussy today than usual, being fussy at all is unusual for Madi, to be honest. She's such a well natured baby. Since there's usually a reason why babies are fussy, we have to watch her extra close tonight and tomorrow. She's doing well right now.

As I was lying there, I felt an overwhelming sense of peace and gratitude. Despite all that has transpired over the last three and a half weeks, we have been blessed beyond compare. I see the Lord's hand so clearly, and sometimes almost literally, in our lives, I feel no need to complain. I see it in a kind word from a friend, a family member reaching out, and in our ward members as they strive to help us in any way possible. We have been so blessed.

All things considered, Madi is doing very well. At this point it's a waiting and hoping game. Waiting to make sure she is healing so that she can go back to normal food. Hoping, because there is still a chance that the formula won't work, her lungs will start to fill up again, and we will once again be in the hospital trying to figure out another solution. Even though little Madi has been through a lot, she still has plenty of smiles to offer. We love her.

Through all of this, I feel like I have gained, and continue to gain a stronger testimony. Prayer has become such a more meaningful part of our lives. I think I have learned what the meaning of "fervent" prayer is. I have seen my prayers answered in ways that I never thought possible. I am grateful.

An experience that I have wanted to share happened when we were in the hospital in the first few early days of everything. There was a lot of uncertainty that hung in the air. Day to day there was something new, something unexpected that we had to deal with. It was hard. The Sunday before all of this happened I was at church with the girls, Isaac had to work that Sunday. It's always a struggle when he's not there, especially with a wandering almost two year old. I had to nurse Madi. So here I was holding Madi, and trying to keep up with Gabi and usher her into the mother's lounge at church. As I was sitting in there trying to keep Gabi entertained while I fed Madi, I heard bits and pieces of what the speakers where saying. I have no idea who it was that was speaking, I think someone from the high council, and I only heard a small portion of what was being said. He talked about prophets in the later day, and trials that they endured. He talked about the importance of not saying, "Why me?" but taking the experience and utilizing it for your benefit. "Search diligently, walk uprightly, and be believing, and all things shall work together for your good..." (Doctrine and Covenants 90:24) The entire stay at the hospital the words, 'and all things shall work together for your good' kept echoing in my head. At first I was mad, how could my poor, helpless, beautiful child's suffering work for my good, for our good as a family. Why did I keep hearing that in my head? No good seem to come of what was happening as we encountered test after test after test, each taking it's toll on our sweet Madi. It wasn't until I understood the rest of this promise, did my faith begin to increase.

When we first entered the hospital, my heart was full of fear. Fear of the unknown. As time went on, I was able to learn to trust in the Lord, with all my heart- not an easy thing. There are still several uncertain things that we are dealing with, but we now have a calm reassurance that everything will be fine, everything will "work for [our] good."