As I was posting about Madi's second birthday I couldn't help but think back to one year and ten months ago when this very same sweet little girl was life flighted to Boise in critical condition. They didn't even know if she would make the ride there. I was in the helicopter. I remember the fear that had a hold of me something fierce. I remember the cold, still, dark night as we flew over cities and the Pilot tried to make small talk to keep me from losing it. I remember how I could "hear" her crying even though it was impossible with the noise. I remember wishing that I could hold her close, or even hold her at all. Everything happened so quickly, yet not quick enough. I remember running along side her incubator as she was rushed into the hospital, talking to her and telling her everything was going to be all right, through my own uncertain tears. I remember listening to the doctor as he showed me the xrays telling me I had to make a choice and make a choice now and wishing with every fiber of my being that Isaac was there with me. I remember when they sedated her and how lifeless she looked lying on the crisp white sheets. I remember them putting a very large needle into her side to drain the fluid from her lungs, and the surprised look on the doctor's face upon discovering what she had. I remember looking out the window of the room and seeing my parents faces looking in as they waited patiently outside. I remember numbly agreeing to eat something for the first time in 12 hours, but refusing to sleep. I remember the next two weeks sleeping in the same room as my sweet daughter, hoping and praying and praying and praying that she would make it through this. I remember the battery of blood draws, feeding tubes, xrays, ultrasounds, sedatives...that she endured. I remember her crying and wishing I could hold her, but being unable to. I remember Gabi coming to visit and running down the hall into my arms and hugging me. I remember Gabi kissing Madi saying, "It's okay Madi, it's okay." I remember the devastation when her chest tube was accidentally pulled out, and the relief following because it had been plugged. I remember how Madi looked at me, smiling, telling me with her sweet expression that it would all be okay. I remember not allowing anyone to take pictures of her with all of her tubes and lines running off of her because I didn't want to remember any of that. I remember Isaac telling me that we needed to have faith. I remember Isaac there every step of the way.
Last summer as we were driving to Utah for a family reunion and we heard a helicopter overhead. We realized it was a life-flight helicopter headed towards primary children's and also realized it was exactly one year from the day Madi had been life flighted. We had an unplanned moment of silence as we both reflected on past events and how far we had all come in the last year. Whenever we hear a helicopter we say a silent prayer for those who may be experiencing a traumatic or life threatening experience like we once did.
Feeling especially grateful that Madi is still with us. We couldn't imagine life without any of our girls.
Madi 1 1/2 weeks after coming home from the hospital (almost 3mo.)
2 comments:
That is so scary. Im so glad she is ok and with us today. What a beautiful sweetheart she is! And that Gabi is a smartie.
You are so strong Keitra! I couldn't help but tear up reading this, imagining if that were me. I'm so sorry you guys had to experience that, but I am SO glad that she came through. No one should ever have to go through something like that, but is always comforting when your husband is there to remind you that you aren't alone, even if it's not something you want to hear in the moment. I'm glad you posted this. I never did get to hear whole story. All I had known at the time was what Grandma had told me...she was in the hospital with something wrong with her lungs. Anyway, thanks for sharing! Can't wait to see you soon!
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